The Vessel of Change

I have long selfishly entertained the notion that I am the true vessel of change in my life. If you were to ask me point blank how a person's character could be truly changed, I would no doubt tell you something that I heard in a sermon once, talking about the blood of Jesus, the grace of God, along with some quotes about faith and trust. But were you to spend time with me, observing my life, listening to my thoughts, you would soon find that I did not actually think that as expressed by how I live. I want to try and "perfect" myself through my own sense of discipline and self-imposed rules. And I don't think I am alone in this pursuit. How popular it is to better onself. How popular, and how futile. We really do want to believe that there is a way to become better than we are without the help of God. This desire teaches us some important truths about ourselves. We know that there is something wrong with us, something that we want to have fixed. We have the idea, or at least the dream that things could be better than they are, that we could be better than we are. But how we go about seeing that happen is one thing we have definitely missed (myself included, obviously). I will be the first to admit that it is hard to trust in God, when I like to think that I have tried to allow Him to bring about change in my life. But I don't think that I have actually truly trusted God for the change that I want to see in my life and that I think God wants, too. One question that I have yet to have answered for myself is this: if I have tried so hard to change myself, only to be frustrated by my lack of results, why am I so quick to blame God? And why am I still so reluctant to trust God for change in my life?